Looking for Ellie

We picked up Ellie's ashes from the vet yesterday on our way home from Barnes and Noble (with our shopping bag loaded down with Camden's new and heavy animal encyclopaedia, Benjamin's new Thomas the Train book and CD, a Real Simple magazine for me, and two cookies for the boys). Strange that her medium sized frame could be burned into ashes that can fit into a small jar and sealed shut inside.

And now that she's here, well, sort of here, I'm having Ellie "sightings". I thought she was behind me as I sat on the back porch this evening. I thought I'd be vacuuming up black fuzzy Ellie fur when I cleaned the kitchen tonight. And when Emma came into Camden's room while he and I were working on his summer workbook, I swear she sounded exactly like Ellie - her breathing, her footsteps, her very presence. Strange.

Guess I miss her and I'm looking for her in my everyday routines. I know she's happier now though. And so I'll be happy for her. Love you, Miss Ellie!

I.........

I saw this on another blog and thought I'd try it. It makes you think. Well, some. A little thinking never hurts on a hot summer day. :)

I am: almost always happy.

I want: a new couch and a toe ring.

I have: so many blessings - mainly my family.

I wish: for peace.

I hate: negativity.

I miss: my friend Jodie.

I hear: Camden crunching on graham crackers while Benjy sleeps.

I wonder: what Benjamin dreams about.

I regret: not starting a diet before I went to the beach last week.

I am not: tall or skinny or graceful

I dance: to the boys' kid music and disco.

I sing: everythying! Love to sing along in the car and have kids who do too!

I cry: when I feel that I'm losing control - and when my PMS hits.

I am not always: in the mood to talk. Really.

I make with my hands: scrapbooks, cards, and just plain old artsy stuff to hang around the house.

I write: in my Bible journal, on my blog, and in emails.

I confuse: what I want with what I neeed.

I need: to create stuff.

I should: spend more time playing with the boys and less time creating stuff.

I start: books, scrapbook pages, and cleaning.

I finish: all those things. But rarely is cooking on my list.

And help the bad guys be good...

Here's Camden's bedtime prayer:
Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
May angels watch me through the night
and wake me with the morning light.
Dear God, please bless Mommy, Daddy, Benjamin and me, Emma and Ellie's soul. And help the bad guys be good.
Amen.

I'm back from the beach! I drove to Roanoke on Monday in a record 5 and a half hours to meet my best friend, Jodie. We did make it to Holden Beach on Tuesday as planned, and we returned to Roanoke on Friday. Her father wasn't doing well and sadly but peacefully passed away on Saturday. I'm so sad for her and her family. But I do know that there's a certain amount of relief for them that their loved one isn't suffering from pain anymore. He's with God, and that has to be a better place than here on earth. We have to believe that. I am so sorry for Jodie and her mom, sisters, and friends. Such a sad time. Love you, Jodie. I'm thinking and praying for you and your sweet family!

Of all the things we did at the beach, I think seeing the dolphins was the best. We took a boat ride out on Thursday to the ocean to watch dolphins as they swam, breached, and carried on behind the shrimp boats out on the Atlantic. Wow. That pretty much sums it up. :) The nine of us - all teachers who at one time taught in the same inner city school in Virginia - had such a blessed trip. We laughed and laughed, ate and ate, and rested and read. I finished the John Sandford book I've been reading and learned of another author that I'll have to get at the library this week - Jodi Picoult. I walked along the shore a couple of times, once talking with friends and the other listening to my iPod and snapping pix of the beautiful shoreline. I ate fudge, shrimp scampi, crab cakes and the most wonderful tuna sandwich at a local "dive" that featured a laid back atmosphere and live music. It was my favorite of the three restaurants we visited for dinner. Oh, and for lunch we had tomato sandwiches with mayo and cheese. Yum! Fresh tomatoes from the gardens of North Carolina. Can't beat 'em.




Actually, the very best part of the trip was being with Jodie. We don't get together as often during the year as we'd like, but when we do, it's like we never parted. We catch up, giggle, and make new memories. She's my best friend. I could tell her anything, if my boring but wonderful life had anything going on! Love ya, Girl! And Lucy Renee does, too!!!

As wonderful as it was to escape to Holden Beach, it was more so to come home to Camden and Benjamin and Curt. The little ones ran to me, hugged me and couldn't wait to see their surprises. :) Being away from Curt for 5 days just made me appreciate him all the more. He's such a wonderful husband. Man, how did I get so lucky?!

Sad week

I just got a call from Jodie, my best friend back in Virginia. Her dad's not doing well, and she's unsure how he's going to do in the next several days. Our beach trip may be cancelled - which is totally OK with me. I'm just worried about her. I told her either way I'd be to Roanoke to visit with her and do whatever needs to be done. Going to the beach without her would be a waste of time that could be spent with her. So, if you're reading this, Jodie Leigh, I'm here for ya, hon. Or there. Either way. :)

Well, Emma pulled an Ellie today. She found a nest of four baby rabbits deep under the foot of the slide out back. And she removed them from their nest, not too gingerly, I'm sure. Camden, my little wildlife rescue hero, got Emma away and tried to take care of the babies. Curt rushed to help, sending Camden in to wash his hands. Then he took the babies back to their nest, barricaded the whole thing from Emma, and gave Camden carrots to lure the Momma back to her bunnies. (That was Camden's "plan" - and he's so proud it worked.) We've been keeping an eye on the back yard all evening, and it seems that the mom finally did go into the nest. Perhaps we'll check on the babies tomorrow. In the meantime, Emma's inside, chomping at the bit to be out back.

I did walk Emma tonight. First time in I-don't-know-how-long. She loved it, and was an EASY dog to walk compared to her younger days. (Emma's 10.) She is pleasantly worn out now, and even managed to sit for a good combing for 15 minutes before characteristically snapping at me to STOP. Good Emma. Bless her heart. She's lonely for her Ellie.

Getting ready to teach and missing Ellie

This layout comes from a picture of a momma cow and her newborn calf. I gave an 8x10 to my best friend, and couldn't resist scanning a copy of it for myself. :)

I took the boys to my classroom today. They played with every movable object in my little first grade room while I cleaned out the file cabinets, ridding them of years worth of ditto sheets. Did you know how much I HATE ditto sheets??? I am so looking forward to teaching at Armbrust this fall. I've been spending several moments searching out the latest research on teaching - not too much has changed in three years. And I've been planning for how my room will look - where the calendar wall will go, where the word wall will be, where we'll do group work and where the kids desks will be grouped. I'm beyond excited. :)

I've missed Ellie today. It's just so strange to wake up and not have her at the foot of my bed. She's not around when I feel like I'm about to trip over her or when I scoot my computer chair back. She doesn't come creeping up on me, given away only by the jangle of her coller. Yes, I miss my Miss Ellie. I know Emma does, too. She stays close, moves softly, hasn't carried on in her usual frisky ways. She's lonely, I'm sure. I worried about her today when the boys and I took off, leaving her on her own in the house.

Miss Ellie

Elleanor was almost called Garp. When I first held her she was but a tiny pup, floppy black velvety ears, thick fur as soft as silk, sweet puppy breath and deep bright brown eyes. Yesterday, she was still black, but much grayer in the face. Her ears were still floppy, but her fur was less than velvety, more course and dull than soft and shiny. Her back legs were stiff with arthritis and her gums were pale with dehydration. It was time for her to go. With her digestive system shutting down and her congestive heart disease at risk, it was time. Ellie was 15 years old. That's 105 in dog years. So I knew it was time. Yet, when the doctor administered the final shot that sent her to heaven (yes, I believe that's exactly where she is), I cried. I held her in my arms and cried. I told her I loved her. I was sorry. I wanted her to be happy. I told her to catch that squirrel and tell Dylan and Candi hi for me. I told her to remember the fun days when she used to lick my whole face while Curt held me down (no, I've not forgiven him yet!). I told Ellie that God would take her and that she'd have all the bones she wanted, that she would finally be able to eat and hop on beds and run after rabbits and actually catch a few. I told her I loved her more than the world and that I'd do anything for her. Sadly, euthanasia was the only answer for my Ellie, whom I've had longer than my own husband. Guess who's been easier to keep in these 1 and a half decades?! Ellie, I love you, always and forever, my baby you'll be.

What We Did Today On Camden's First Day of Summer Vacation!

1. Camden slept in - till 8:45! Benjamin didn't, waking me up at 7:30 - "Momma, get up, get up."
2. We drove to Holcomb's, the teacher store in Monroeville, where I found a book of writing minilessons for my first grade writing workshop. I just cannot wait to watch my students learn to write this school year!
3. Ate at Subway. i successfully kept the boys from the chips. Camden downed his ham and cheese sandwich. Benjy ate the bread from his. Camden got his cookie. I got Benjy's after he fell asleep.
4. We swam in the pool out back. COLD water! Benjamin had a blast sliding into the "little wawa" while Camden jumped and fell into the water from the ladder.
5. I cooked dinner. BIG deal for me to cook dinner. The rice was starchy, nothing a little salt and butta wouldn't fix. But the cod was delicious.
6. Benjy salted his broccoli and - are you ready for this..... - HE ATE IT! Nibbled the little florets right off their miniature tree trunks. That little cutie.
7. Benjy also drank about third of a can of V8 juice today when he saw me drinking mine. :) That's the most veggies he's had in him in MONTHS.
8. Camden fixed himself a bedtime snack of carrots and ranch dressing. He's also making a book about healthy snacks. So cute.
9. I got a bit of sun on my arms and slathered lotion on them after my bath. Uh-oh, I think my sun screen wore off. Gotta keep up with that when we head to the beach!
10. Talked to Jodie tonight. Her dad isn't doing too well. I love you, Jodie Girl. Your dad and you are in my prayers!!!

A child of God

Benjamin's baptism was yesterday. Such a beautiful ceremony. Even if he's three years old - more than two years over the typical age for baptism in the episcopal church. :)
I've been talking to him about the big day all week, telling him what a special day it was, that God loves him, and that Jesus does, too. I also told him that after "big church" we would go downstairs to the undercroft to get cake at the reception. Not only did Benjamin here me say "cake", but he also heard "Star Wars" somewhere between the lines. "Wawars cake?" he asked me a thousand times. "Wawars cake? Luke cake?" Jodie, one of his godparents, suggested it could be a Luke cake, you know, from the gospels. Hardly Luke Skywalker. But I let Benjamin believe whatever he wanted. It was his cake, after all.
I was so proud of Benjamin during church. The priest actually asked him if he wanted to be baptised and, nodding his head, he very quietly said, "uh-huh". So sweet. Then I asked him if he wanted me to carry him to the baptismal font at the rear of the church of walk. "Walk," he declared and held my hand all the way back. He chatted the whole time Larry was blessing the water. "I see wawa, I see wawa, I see wawa." Over and over and over. Finally, when the time came to see the water, I held him over the basin as Larry dipped a small shell into the water and gently poured it over his head three times. By the last time, Benjamin was over the whole thing, crying (not wailing, thankfully) and emphatically saying, "BA WAWA! BA WAWA!" Over and over and over.
Regardless, Benjamin's official now. I believe God always had him marked as his from the beginning. What child isn't? But now it's truly official. And I'm sure Benjamin noticed the difference. When we went to the communion rail and knelt for the Lord's Supper, Benjamin held his little hands out together, copying what he had seen me, Curt and his brother do countless times. And this time the priest placed a small wafer into his hands. Benjamin smiled and looked at me. "Mommy, I did it! I did it!"
Yes, Benjamin, with God's help, you did it.

June 1

Can you believe summer will be here THIS MONTH?! I hate the heat, but I love the laid-back routine of summertime. Camden will be home every day, and I'll have my boys to myself for a few hours each morning and afternoon to play, be silly, hug, and LOVE. :) I'm looking forward to these crazy, hazy days.

Camden's just the cutest little thing. The other day his teacher called to ask me to send a paper he'd written back to school since he'd taken it home by accident. When I told Camden that she called, I asked him if he and any idea what she wanted to tell me. He said, without a second's hesitation, "To say 'I'm a beautiful little writer'." Well, not exactly. But he's right. :)

Here's a translation of my "beautiful little writer's" recent story. "I like the Pittsburgh city because it has a submarine. And a train at the train station."

Benjy ate corn on the cob tonight for dinner!!!!!!!!!!
I'd post a pic, but I was afraid to move. I knew if I started snapping pix, he'd know he was doing something right and he'd quit. :) Still, a happy day when he eats a veggie besides ketchup!

alpacae or alpacas?

We're in Wooster, Ohio, today for the Great Lakes Sheep and Fiber Show. OK, so I wasn't so sure about this little adventure at first, but as soon as I saw the alpacas (yes, I looked it up; it's "alpacas"), I knew I was hooked. (No pun intended for you crocheting folks). These llama-like creatures are so sweet, a bit timid, and picture-perfect with their big eyes and innocent faces. So sweet! I want an alpaca!!!!!!





The boys have been swimming for the first time this season. Camden thrives on making big splashes and holding his breath under the water. Benjy counts "1...2...3..." then jumps in to Curt's open arms. The boys are like fish! I call Camden "Shark Boy" and Benjy "Little Fish".

Quick quote of the weekend: Setup: Because Curt has a bazillion points from his many many many nights at Hampton Inns/Hiltons during cat. duty, we have been upgraded for free to adjoining rooms at this Hilton hotel. So the boys have one room and we have another. We've cleverly fixed their connecting door so that it won't close :) Last night, while the boys were playing with Star Wars people in the tub, I was pulling out their jammies and turning down their beds. Camden pipes up: "Mom, would you please leave our room now?" Nicely, respectfully, and yet still insistently. He really wanted to feel in control. The newness has only worn slighly. Tonight he asked if we could "pleeeeaaaaasssseeeee" stay another day. :) It's been a wonderful trip.

Orange x 2

Tonight was Curt's night. I could see he was a bit nervous. Focused. Not impatient, but not exactly in the mood for chasing Benjy around the back yard. Tonight was HIS night - tryouts for his next belt in Tae Kwondo. The big Orange Belt. He must have waited an hour before actually getting HIS turn. So many younger Karate Kids before him and his group. The kids go before the grownups. They were great - young, fast, sure of themselves. Probably not at all as nervous as the grownups who are less secure in the newness of this routine. And then he was on. All those weeks of work came down to this moment. All that practice rehearsing his forms, his one-steps, his pacing, breathing, strikes and blocks. I could picture him here in the family room, the fan humming from the ceiling and the blue carpet cushioning his jump kicks. That look of intensity that never leaves him when he's concentrating. No matter what he's focused on, he's got that same look that tells of a man who plans to not only accomplish something, but also to do his very best.

Well, he got his orange belt. He and everybody else in his class of 4 adults going for that first level. Curt, Tammy, Andy, and Karen did it. They all deserve a high five. But we're most proud of Curt. Father. Husband. Number 1.

Blessings

So much to be happy about today:
* It's Mom and Dad's anniversary - 46 years together. Not many can say they've seen their folks stay married that long. Congrats, Mom and Dad. I'm proud of you, and I love you both. :)

* Camden is an orange belt now! Woohooo! He did a super job at his belt testing tonight. So proud of my Tiny Tigers yells, blocks, strikes, and jumps.

* Benjy went to the speech room all by himself today, and actually talked quite a bit for Mrs. Val. He couldn't wait to celebrate at Wendy's where he ate all his fries and a bite of his chicken nuggets. Yes, one bite. Hey, it's protein!

* I started Day 1 of The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. Today's thought - it's not about me. It's about God. :)

* I ironed Camden's name into his new ATA bag (American Taekwondo Association) that Curt gave him tonight after he earned his new belt. I felt like such the good mom. :)

* Curt cooked tofu for dinner. OK, so I wasn't crazy about it. But it was healthy, and we are blessed to be in a situation where we can try new things. Maybe one day I'll try it again....

* I exercised! Cardio, strength, and core body. Felt great to move my body, to stretch it, feel it growing stronger, to breathe with the movement and know that I was doing something RIGHT!

* The sun was bright today, skies blue. Beautiful day to watch Camden climb his tree, get tangled in his kite string, and just watch the wind blow the leaves on the trees. A perfect, if a tad cool, day.

Briar Rabbit

This is actually Curt's story, since he witnessed it. I MADE him type it up for me. And he did. :) It's just so darn cute, I had to put it here to share.

"I was out mowing grass on Saturday when my oldest son,
Camden, age 6, came running up and asked about the
rabbit in the blackberry patch in our backyard.
Raising an eyebrow and stifling a burst of laughter, I
asked what he was asking about. He said he wanted to
be able to see "Brer Rabbit" in the briar patch.

While mowing the yard back and forth, I noticed Camden
running into the house and collecting the flashlight.
I asked him again what he was doing and he said that
he was trying to see into the briar patch and see Brer
Rabbit.

Camden sat out and watched the briar patch for a while
and eventually went in to collect a lantern to have
more light. I had told Camden that he could catch
Briar Rabbit by having the light out in the yard and
he would come out and see the light and want to play.

Later that night, Camden and Benjamin were in bed
asleep. I stood by the back door and saw the lantern
laying askew in the back portion of the yard. Calling
Wendi, I showed her the hopes and dreams of a boy
captured in the light of a camping lantern."

Funny thing about this story - we got Virginia Hamilton's retelling of the classic Briar Rabbit and the Tar Baby Girl at Camden's last book fair at school. I LOVE to read this book. The dialect is rich, but not as tricky to read as in the original retellings. The boys just cackle when Briar Rabbit punches the Tar Baby Girl and sticks to it! So wonderful, the sound of their laughter. Silly and fun and sunny. :)

Things They Say

Camden, while vacuuming the kitchen - "Oh man, I just sucked up an ant!"

Benjamin, any time there's a mess - "Caca did it."

Camden - "What if God didn't make grownups. Then you all would have to serve us whatever we say."

Curt, teasing me this Sunday afternoon - "I'm gonna go to the office for a couple of hours."

Me, responding to Curt - "I don't think so, Dear."

Benjamin, during a song in church this morning - "Hush please. Too loud."

Camden, while chasing Benjy around the house - "FIRE IN THE HOLE! FIRE IN THE HOLE! FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Curt, while making our second pot of coffee today - "Time for some hair-of-the-dog coffee." Yes, strong!

Ellie - her tail says "thump thump thump" when she sees us

Emma - "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Trying to be creative here, but it's just not hitting me. Instead, ER is. It's the season finale, so I've GOT to watch.
Until I can do better, this'll have to do.
Love to all!

Benjy pottied!

He calls it his "poppy," but I don't care. He marched over to it today and sat on it, peed in it, and grinned! woohooo! I'm so proud of my little bugger in his Star Wars undies! Hopefully we're turning a corner here. :)

After a considerable amount of prayer, thinking, and talking with Curt, I've decided to take the teaching job at Armbrust Christian Academy. I truly believe that this is where God is leading me. Yeah, this is it. Sort of like a "mission" Sandy told me yesterday in my interview. Yes, private school pay isn't what public school is, but that is the only negative. God will give us what we need; and that will be enough. The gain I get from being at this school will be incomparable to anything I've ever experienced at a job - teaching young children, no No Child Left Behind (No Child Gets Ahead...), the ability to reach their hearts through God as well as character, new friends, and my own personal growth in Christ. Yeah, this is it. :)

A Day in the Life of Me

somewhere around 6 am: I hear Curt weighing himself in the bathroom and drift back to sleep where I dream about having to get out of bed to let the dog out.

7:30: Benjy comes to my room, pops his head up by mine and shouts, "Prise!!!"

8:00: Camden is dressed, Benjy is even dressed, and both boys have breakfast. I make coffee.

8:26: Camden catches the bus and I take my coffee upstairs to get cleaned up.

9:00: Benjy jumps in my lap as I read my Bible. We play and play and play. Silly goose. :)

10:00: Kitchen is spotless. :) Rest of the house is not. :( Laundry is moving. :) Benjy has pooped. :(

11:30: Benjy and I decide we need to eat at TGIFridays. I eat the best pasta and Benjy licks chicken fingers dipped in a blend of ketchup and mustard - his own recipe.

12:15: Off to Target!!! Mother's Day is in the bag!

2:00: Home where I lay Benjy down for a nap.

2:10: Benjy's up from said nap.

3:00: Curt comes home early to mow the grass. Benjy goes outside to play in the sandbox while Dad works in the yard. I type up the church service for the PowerPoint projection for Sunday.

3:45: Camden's home! I close my eyes while he hides two surprises for me under his bed.

4:00: Camden can't take it anymore.... He gives me my Mother's Day gifts two days early. :) A beautiful flower in a pot he decorated himself and a caricature of my one-and-only Punkin Head!

4:30: Curt takes Camden to karate. Benjy and I go to the post office.

5:30: Benjy and I come home and he's sound asleep. So I sit in the recliner, tilt it back, and hold my sleeping "baby" for the next hour. Pure bliss.

6:00: Curt heads to his karate class. Camden's on the computer. Soooo quiet.

6:45: Dinner arrives - Pizza Sienna - yummy baked ziti, bread sticks, and cheese pizza for the boys.

7:30: We find Blake and Bussy playing outside so we join them. I chat with their mom, Hope, as she plants bulbs. Hmmm, perhaps I should plant something, I think. Hmmmm, perhaps later. The boys jump on a neighbor's trampoline, play war with light sabers, and ride tricycles, the kid Jeep, the Flying Turtle, and roller blades. I'm worn out just watching.

8:15: I finally convice my boys to come home. Curt bathes them. I bathe myself. We all meet downstairs in our jammies where it's decided that we'll watch Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. No surprise there.

9:00: Bedtime for the boys. They do their standard two minutes of complaining, whining, faking asleep, then reluctantly trudge upstairs. They say their prayers and go to bed.

9:46: I'm blogging. Curt's watching Lord of the Rings. And it's very, very, very quiet upstairs. I think the whole house is worn out. I know I am. :)

day 17 - courage

OK, so I'm trying to do my day 17 page - a layout of Camden writing his word family words this morning - you know, "ham", "Pam", "Sam", "Tam", "bam". And now Photoshop is freezing up on me. Drat. And I haven't saved a bit of this layout. Oh well. I'm too pooped to fix it tonight, so I'll do it tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is another day.

Curt's home. Yippee! So blessed that he has safe travels.

My interview with the private school to which I'm applying is on Monday. So excited. I was looking for a sign, and I got it yesterday afternoon when the director called to see if I could come in. God does move in mysterious ways. I never would have considered a private school 6 years ago. But a lot has changed since Camden was born. Priorities, education, politics. Yuck. That's the big one. Politics are ruining education....

***Edited part: Well, I couldn't just leave well enough alone. I had to finish the layout I'd started before Photoshop quit on me. And there it is. Camden was working on his word families this morning - -am and -at words. He never questioned why, just did them as he ate his waffle with butterscotch chips for breakfast. (Hey, I've gotta give in somewhere!) He just DID IT! And when he was finished he announced that "it wasn't homework." And I believe him. Really, it didn't matter anyway. I got to see him in action. Thinking, sounding out, writing. Next time...I'll trick him into writing a story! :)

Day 16 - more courage

My take on courage today, inspired by my Bible reading this morning.

Let's see, Benjy did such a fabulous job in speech today that I took him to the Olive Garden for lunch. We had a minifight with our breadsticks, wielding them as light sabers. And we played stop-the-choo-choo-with-a-fork while we waited for our food. But the best part, I think, is that he actually ATE something besides bread! He dipped his chicken in ketchup and actually ate it! Chewed-it-up-and-swallowed-it ate it! There's hope, I see. Finally.

This evening Camden was invited to eat dinner with his friends next door. So cute, I know he must have been trippin' out with delight to be having supper with his friends. And he stayed over there till I came to get him at 7:00. Then it took him near forever to make it home. It didn't help that Benjy was with me and he disappeared to play with the kids. We finally made it back to our house at 7:25. I'm worn out.

Things I'm loving right now:
~ Being home with the Benj. So sweet to watch him play, listen to his words spilling out of that cute little mouth. Even if I don't understand some of them. :)
~ Hearing Camden READ. What an amazing thing to hear him sound out words and make meaning of them.
~ Devouring my new Simple Scrapbooks Digital 5 magazine.
~ Reading The Schools Our Children Deserve by Alfie Kohn. So timely, research-driven, and just darn sensible. This is the explanation for what I've always known - the Standards Movement is hurting our kids and our schools. This books explains how. Check it out here.
~ Still munching on Benjy's Star Wars birthday cake. Too bad we're out of ice cream.
~ HBO's new series Big Love.