Today I sat in the back seat for the first time as my son drove us down Hatteras Island's NC12.
...Across the Bonner bridge.
...Through the village towns.
...Flying 55 mph on the stretches in between.
I gave up my shotgun seat so that Curt could be the guide on the side as our learning-to-drive son experienced the stress
(thrill?) of driving.
I'm willing to concede (now) that he did a marvelous job. He kept to the speed limit, didn't mind when hurried drivers passed him on the 2-lane road, and never smashed into a trash bin or pedestrian. He even made a left-hand turn from Harbor House Seafood onto Route 12 to get us to our home for the week.
If you know me, you know how I feel about left-hand turns.
There's something about your son driving you to your vacation destination that changes your perspective. For example, here in our beach house, we have cable TV, which means we have HGTV. So even reruns of House Hunters excites us beyond imagination. This blondie hunting for a house with her sensible husband is worried about all the steps separating the levels in the split level they are eyeballing. There are four levels in this house, maybe a stretch of 6 or 7 steps in between each. And she's worried about her three littles navigating the steps.
Really?! Wait till your son drives you to the beach! What is a tumble down a tiny flight of steps compared to a drive at 55 across a bridge where pelicans regularly dive-bomb your car?
Clearly, this vacation is all about a change in perspective.
Already, Camden has crossed the threshold from little-boy-who-wants-to-be-big to Teen Boy. He is handsome. He is funny. He is exuberant and confident and trying to find his way across the bridge between Kid World and Adult World.
To accomplish that, he needs me to change my perspective. And that's hard.
I liked it when he was a little tyke in yellow rubber boots who refused to wear shorts and tee shirts in the dead of summer. I was tickled pink watching him position his Star Wars guys in the Dream Barbie house where we vacationed. I was comfortable exerting my control over his little self. Control. Over. Him.
And now I'm OUTTA CONTROL.
This boy wonder is exerting control and I am helpless to do a thing about it. In fact, I'm called NOT to do a thing about it.
That's part of this change in perspective, I think. I'm not to control him. I'm to control
myself.
Shudder.
I hate that.
As I grow with the Lord, I learn that life is not all about me.
And I have a hard time letting go.
But look at this boy. Look at this child of God.
Does the Lord not have a bigger, better plan for him than I have? Of course He does.
This Boy Wonder, this apprentice, this Padawan is in serious training. He's learning to be a man, a husband, a father. And somewhere along the way, I have to stop being the controlling mother and let him pursue that destiny.
I wanted that for my own husband.
And I want that for my son.
Go, young Padawan. With my love and my blessing.
And with my complete undoing as you learn to be a man of God.
