Shortly after Michelle returned from her vacation with Brian, she sent me a link to her Kodak Gallery and all 1104 pictures on it. Bless her heart, she never did figure out how to upload her pictures to individual albums or even how to eliminate doubles. No matter, this seems to be a lasting gift from her that I turn to more nights than not. One of my favorite shots is this one of our family snapped in Virginia last fall when we all gathered for our cousin Tonya's wedding. (Have I mentioned that she was the most gorgeous bride, like a fairy tale princess???) Anyway, I find it impossible to believe that this is the last family photograph we'll have. I catch myself wondering what we would have done differently had we known then that Shell wouldn't be with us into the summer. Then I remember that we didn't know, and so we cannot beat ourselves up and wish "if only." As I tell my firsties at school, I don't play the "what if" game. (Do you know how sidetracked that will get you? It's an incredible tool for kids who would rather build towers with the snap cubes than count them.) So I try to keep my own advice and be grateful for the memories I do have. And they're good. Even the one where my baby sister tricked me into the toybox and slammed the lid shut. "What if you sat in the box and I handed you the toys and you put them back in," she asked. Yeah, what if.

More angels...

Lying in bed last night, saying my prayers, I remembered more angels.

* Joel: my mother-in-law. She also drove in for the funeral. One of the things Joel does best is simply to be there. And she was. Thank you.

* Phyllis and her daughters, Kim and Karen: They came to town, too - for the first time since they moved back when Kim and I were in high school together. Kim, Karen, Michelle and I were inseparable friends growing up, playing tag and school, jumping rope and exploring the woods (which my boys now call "the forest"). Seeing them was just like taking a time machine to the past. Such easy relationships are a blessing for sure.

* Friends of Shell's from Florida: People I'd never met but have heard of over the years came to our tiny hometown to celebrate her life and mourn her loss. I remember Tommy, one of her dearest friends. And Dwayne. Dave and Matt. Nancy. Their presence was a huge comfort, knowing that she touched so many people blessed my heart.

* Brian: Michelle's husband. This man was perfectly suited for my sister. He radiates kindness, joy, and love. And at the lowest of possible moments in life, he continued to shine, a reflection of Michelle's life. Now that's love.

Love

Roses from 1st grade 

I am surrounded by God's love.
In the wake of losing my sister, He has sent his mighty angels to lift me up and keep me going. Angels like...
* Mom and Dad. Together, we hold each other up, cry, remember, and find reasons to laugh every now and then.
* A Gospel reading in church Sunday from John 14. The very same passage that Dad shared with me when we had a rare moment alone to remember Michelle. The same passage that he and Shell had read together just months ago. That was no coincidence. That was a God-wink.
* My class of first graders. After the school's spring concert last night, they quietly gave me this beautiful rose bush in memory of Michelle and a card signed by every single student. How they organized this and got the card signed without my knowing is beyond me. Truly, God can use even the youngest in his service.
* My best friend Jodie. She came to Norton for the funeral, and she only knew Michelle through my stories of home and family. But she came to be with me, to hold me up. You'll never know, Girlfriend, how much your presence and our many phone chats since have helped me out. Heck, remember what I asked you to do when I first saw you... you know, the thing we do when we need cheering up because we're about to cry??? I'll never forget that. Thank you.
* The staff and students at my school. Never have I worked in such a loving, caring, and gentle place. My family has been lifted in prayer since the morning I shared of our loss. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is answering their prayers. There's no other way I could be "hanging in there", as I tell others, without the power of prayer.
* Neighbors, Curt's co-workers, friends from my old school in Virginia. Wow. The cards that have arrived here bring me to tears every day when I come home. I am so touched by these.

* The karate students and instructors. First, let me say, I never wanted to take karate in the first place. I just didn't think I could do it. But, then again, I never wanted to be a lifeguard either. Somehow, when pushed, I can get out of my box and actually like it! Well, when Curt and Camden signed me up for a trial at karate, I couldn't exactly turn it down. How rude would that be! Long story short, I love it now. When I'm in class, I'm strong. I can handle what's coming at me. I can defend myself, perform my forms, break boards. Let me tell you, when you need to vent some frustration - anger - breaking a few boards with swift, strong front kicks and a primal yell does the trick. Anyway, I digress. God has placed these friends near me at just the right time. They have been there to do what friends do. They hold me up. They listen. They hug. They offer help and their sympathies. And I accept all of it. And then they hold kick pads and let me go at them, kicking, yelling, and driving them from one side of the room to the other. Thank you.

* Oh, I hope I'm not leaving out any angels. I'm sure I am. I must be. And I'll probably think of them in the middle of the night. Just know that I'm so very thankful.

* Curt. I put him last simply because I want to leave this post with thoughts of him. Thank you, Curt. Thank you for being my best BOY friend. My soul mate. The rock and provider of our family. Michelle always did like you. She never questioned US. She accepted you, loved you, and embraced you from the moment she met you. She could talk to you about our wonderful crazy little family and you always managed to make her feel happy. She had great taste. Curt, You have lifted me in ways unimaginable. Just knowing you were there to make Mom laugh, to talk to Dad in the quiet moments of the late night, to do what you're so darn good at in the bustle of the days. Thank you. I love you. I thank God for you.

The dandelions have been in full face-up-to-the-sun bloom this week. They quite honestly are one of my favorite flowers. No, I'd never get a bouquet of dandelions from a florist. And I don't drink dandelion wine. But Benjy picks these golden flowers for me, as do my first graders. I had a whole pile of wilting dandelions on my desk at school until I broke down and tossed them. 

I even like the dandelion fluff puffballs that come after the golden blooms are gone. I watch children blow the seeds. I watch their stems bend in the wind and the fluff float on the breeze. I watch the new dandelions emerge in the lawn that my dear husband maintains all summer long. And I don't regret a single solitary petal. Go dandelions, go!

tree

tree
Originally uploaded by wendirichert

Here's a digital page I did tonight remembering the significance of the word tree in Shell's and my childhood. Silly, yes, but a fun little memory for me. Just a few weeks ago, she and I giggled about this crazy game we used to play. Thank God for the memories.

I lost my sister last week.

I also lost my dearest friend.

Michelle and I were as different as day and night, as unlikely to be friends as the high school jock and the nerd. 

But we were linked forever by the bond of sisterhood. And thank God, for that made us the most special kind of friends. Sisters.

It's still impossible to believe that my sister isn't here anymore. 

It gives me peace to know that her relationship with Jesus landed here in a new room up in heaven. (See John 14....it's all there.)

Camden says Aunt Shell is sitting on a nice rock up there with Uncle Mitchell, Ellie dog, and the two guppies. The guppies are in a fish bowl. I believe they still need water, even in heaven. 

I'd like to write about some of the memories I have of my sister and me growing up. Yes, we had our moments of disagreement. Our moments even of absolutely despising the other. But in the end, we always managed to find each other on the same side. The side sisters and friends will always come back to. 

We shared a bond of love, friendship, trust, and loyalty.

I love you, Shell.

I miss you.