ONE

Spending the last week of 2005 thinking about how I've lived my life and how I plan to live it next year. When reading Ali Edwards' blog I discovered ONE.org. Please visit and watch the video, read their mission, SIGN THEIR DECLARATION. You, too, can help fight poverty. One person at a time.

Things that are making me happy

* Camden is still going through his big bag of goodies he brought home from school after his Christmas party. He's been pinning his art up all over my bulletin board. These pieces make me so darn happy. * Although I've been taking down a few decorations, I can't part with some of my lights. These are among my favorites - the little Christmas tree with the button and rag ribbon garland I made, and my basket of primitive stuffed hearts and pillows. * Benjy went to the potty TWICE today! * hot green tea with lemon and ginger * sleeping on flannel sheets * cleaning up, tossing out, recycling junk - trying to SIMPLIFY * my friend Linda's gingerbread candles * bear hugs from my boys

The Day After

Time to start thinking about the new year. About resolutions. About change.
But first, I must think about today. The day after Christmas. All that hope, anticipation, magic, all gone. In the time it took Camden and Benjy to tear through their gifts, it was gone. Left behind - the wrappings, the boxes, even a couple of bows (even though I'd given up on using bows on my own packages years ago). All that work, all the decorating, the baking, the WAITING, and now it's gone.

The day after Christmas has always been sort of a let-down, I'm sorry to admit that, but that's the feeling year after year. I put so much effort into making the holiday perfect. One of remembering, of reverence, of magic. And in one swift moment, it's gone. I think I've finally learned my lesson. It's time to take the effort out of MAKING the magic. It's time to start letting the magic happen. It will. If I just let it. So, when I make my new year's resolutions this week, one of them will be to KEEP IT SIMPLE. Let the magic happen on its own. Live in the moment. Enjoy it. Just LET IT HAPPEN.

Merry Day After Christmas

I can't say it any better than this....

I found this quote on Ali Edwards' blog. Loved it. Love what it says about changing, growing, living, and joy. Love how it focuses on what Christmas means beyond all the presents and trappings. I guess the kid version of this quote would be the Grinch story. But Sister Joan has taken all the feeling, all the soul, all the pure joy of the little Whos and put it into words. Her words are beautiful, and this quote is worth reading and living each day.

Christmas is a strange season. When you're a child, it is a season of presents. When you're young, it's a season of parties. When you get your own home, it's a season of preparations. But when you get older, Christmas changes color drastically. Suddenly, out from behind the advertisements and big dinners, through the haze of old carols and soft candles, past the dazzling altars and sumptuous crib scenes, we begin to see what Christmas is really all about. Christmas is about finding life where we did not expect it to be. Every year of life waxes and wanes. Every stage of life comes and goes. Every facet of life is born and then dies. Every good moment is doomed to become only a memory. Every perfect period of living slips through our fingers and disappears. Every hope dims and every possibility turns eventually to dry clay. Until Christmas comes again. Then we are called at the deepest, most subconscious, least cognizant level to begin to live again. Christmas brings us all back to the crib of life to start over: aware of what has gone before, conscious that nothing can last, but full of hope that this time, finally, we can learn what it takes to live well, grow to full stature of soul and spirit, get it right. There is a child in each of us waiting to be born again. It is to those looking for life that the figure of the Christ, a child, beckons. Christmas is not for children. It is for those who refuse to give up and grow old, for those to whom life comes newly and with purpose each and every day, for those who can let yesterday go so that life can be full of new possibility always, for those who are agitated with newness whatever their age. Life is for the living, for those in whom Christmas is a feast without finish, a celebration of the constancy of change, a call to being once more the journey to human joy and holy meaning. ( Sister Joan D. Chittister )



And finally, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!! We went to the Children's Service and Holy Communion at 4 o'clock today. Beautiful service, and such a meaningful sermon. It was given to the kids, but was really for us all. It was all about accepting the gift Jesus offers us. Perfect. That's what Christmas is all about. Of course, it's also about The Christmas Story and its appearance for 24 straight hours each year starting at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve. We're watching it right now. We'll be watching it on and off for hours tonight. We'll watch it tomorrow. Basically, our TV will be tuned to TBS for the next 24 hours. I just love the sound of this movie. Now it's really Christmastime. :)

This makes me happy

I fell in love with this freebie digi scrapbook kit I found on Scrapbook Bytes' latest newsletter. It's from Dawn Stocstill - don't you just love the colors? The doodles are from the creative team at Digital Design Essentials. Every week this month you can download a set of 'em for free. LOVE these!!!

Yesterday I got everything wrapped and under the tree. Bummer on the post office, though. I just didn't make it. So I'll put Curt up to it tomorrow. Some things will arrive late, but it's the thought that counts, right?!

Also talked to Kristen - hey girlie!!! I'm thinking of you!!! (Isn't it good to know that somebody does? hehehe)

OK, I'm outta here. Too tired to reflect any more.

Christmas traditions

Today I'm thinking about family and what made Christmases so special when I was a kid. I remember how we always drove around looking at the Christmas lights after the Christmas Eve church service. I remember how we would sit up late and watch the Johnny Carson show where Doc Severenson and the NBC Orchestra played Christmas tunes and I was sad that Johnny didn't talk or tell any jokes. (How I'd love to catch a rerun of that Christmas Eve special now.) I remember how Grandmomma Stapleton stayed the night with us and how my sister and I would knock on the adjoining wall in the mornings and she'd knock back, then we'd tiptoe into the guest room and climb into bed with Grandmomma and be happy that Christmas Day was finally here. I remember how my sister and I would "rearrange" the gifts under the tree every night for days before Christmas. We said we were "rearranging" them, but truly, we were counting them and making sure no one was getting cheated! I remember the stockings. The stockings are still my favorite part of Christmas at Mom and Dad's. Santa can stuff a stocking like nobody's business!!! I remember how I'd take my Christmas haul to my room and spread it out on my twin bed. One year I got a camera for Christmas and I took a picture of my gifts. I was so proud. I remember the smell of Barbie plastic, new crayons, Grandmomma's peanutbutter pinwheels, and candles. I remember Mom's little tree she decorated and put on the TV console in the living room. I have that tree now and it sits on the trunk in front of the window in the study. I remember hearing Santa shout Ho Ho Ho one night, the buzz of family visiting, the laugh of Daddy when we asked where Casper was that Christmas. (Casper was the ghost/son only he could see. :) ) Memories. I'm glad I took the time to remember them today.
Merry Christmas.

Today was the Christmas pageant at church. Camden was a sheep. Benjy started out as a mouse, then a sheep, then in the nursery where he was truly happier. Maybe next year he'll stick around for the show. I was so excited for Camden, though. He remebered his last pageant when he was three at Mrs. Griffin's preschool. He was convinced that because he'd been in that then he'd be able to handle his part in this one. "I want to be Jesus," he told me. "Well, Jesus will be a little baby," I said. "Then I want to be an angel. They have boy angels, too." Yes, Camden, they do. He changed his mind by the time he saw the cute sheep costume and decided he was better cut out to baaaaa than look angelic. :)

After the pageant he had to sit with me for an inordinate amount of time for a five year old like Camden. He fussed, wiggled, and grumbled. Eventually he settled down and even cuddled up beside me, convinced that he'd better just get used to it. By the time we returned from Communion and kneeled down to pray, he was asking me if it was ok to talk to God about Star Wars. I told him God is listening. He could talk about anything. Somehow, I think even God must like Star Wars. That Yoda is just too cute.

Merry Christmas

I'm so sick of hearing people gripe about being told "Merry Christmas"! Come on, people!!!!! Just exactly what holiday do we celebrate on Dec. 25 anyway? Yes, Santa has become an all-too-big part of it, but Santa would have no special day if not for Jesus. The other day I heard some lady moaning about how the local McDonald's had a sign up that said "Jesus is the Reason for the Season." "bla bla bla...it just doesn't include everyone...bla bla bla" Well, it's the birthday of Jesus Christ, lady. Just who all should be included on his special day???!!! I could go on, but I'll just end this post with a hearty MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!"

My list

Here's my digital layout that I did for my art journal tonight. I bought this awesome page kit from Scrapbook Bytes. LOVE the colors and that awesome tree.

My list...
It's getting shorter! Got most of the shopping done. I've talked to Santa and taken care of that end. I do still need to wrap presents, copy pictures for the cards, send the cards, cook for the neighborhood party on Friday night, and take lots of deep breaths. I've realized that I need to keep it simple. (Too late, yes, but I can start trying now, can't I?) Christmas needs to be about family, the art of giving, the power of Jesus in our lives. Yes, the toys will interfere, and the racket that accompanies Christmas morning will wear and tear on our nerves. But in the end we'll be a family, together, feeling joy, swimming in it, loving each other to the moon and back.

I've been MIA...

There's a good reason I've been missing since my last post. Curt came home on Friday!!!!! Although he's leaving on Tuesday to go back for more CAT duty, it's been such a wonderful blessing having him home. We just feel so, oh I don't know, COMPLETE with him here. The way our family is meant to be. I am positively dreading Tuesday, but there's nothing he nor I can do about it, so off he will go until Christmas-time, and then he's back. I pray for good.

Check out these pictures of the boys today - all my boys! Camden and Benjy played in the snow (we must have had at least 6 inches the other day plus another inch today). Then they had some snow cream and hot cocoa when they came in. Benjy always wants to bang his cup against ours and say "cheers" when he drinks. Then, later in the day, the boys decided to play Star Wars Play Station and have some popcorn. A definite Kodak moment!




Here's our brand spankin' new Christmas tree - ARTIFICIAL! It's the first artificial tree Curt and I have ever had. We've always loved real trees - their smell, choosing the perfect one, watching the branches fall into exactly the right places. But this year we decided to go artificial for a number of reasons. Fake trees don't need water, which Emma would steal anyway. They may not have that fresh tree scent, but they don't drop their needles either, which means I vacuum one day less than I ordinarily would. :) Fake tress cost less over the long run. We easily paid $50-$70 for a fraser fur EACH year but paid $140 (on sale) for this one. And it'll easily last for many years. So, while I miss the fun of going on the Christmas Tree Hunt and the smell of fresh pine that goes with it, I'm so happy to not have to water the tree two times a day, chase Emma from the water bowl, worry that the boys will somehow trip up the water bowl, and vacuum up the mess the needles make. I love our new tree. :)

Car Wash

Man, did my van need washing! Took it today and paid eight bucks to drive it through one of those fancy automatic car washes that even blows the car dry. The spray took all the road salt off and nearly took the snow "painted" Christmas tree and M's (courtesy of Missy the prankster from work). I felt like I had better gas milage once I drove outta there!

After the car wash, I went to get my hair cut. Didn't have time for that, but did have time to find this awesome sweater! Lamb's wool. I loved it so much that I scanned it, softened it, and printed it out for my December art journal. Love the reds and grays together.

Emma's view on life

I should be embarassed to show this, but what the heck. This is my naughty naughty bad dog, Emma. She's on the kitchen table, eating the leftovers. I was so fed up with her that all I could do was just take pictures and sigh. Yup, this is my dog.

I found this quote on Ali Edwards' blog...

Anna Quindlen : ...but the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Wow. Now that is inspiration. I've spent the entire weekend and today fretting about lists, things to do, taking care of every body and everything. And I've truly not spent much time just LIVING. So, who cares of the Christmas shopping doesn't get done as well as I'd like it? I shouldn't. It's not about the gifts anyway. Who cares if the Legos are in the floor AGAIN? I shouldn't. They'll just wind up back on the carpet anyway. It's time to quit complaining and start LIVING.

Why?

What a day.
It started out so wonderfully. The boys let me sleep till 7:40 a.m.! And Ellie didn't want out a minute before that. :)
I drank coffee. The boys played and watched cartoons. Camden even read the paper with me. Then we went to Target where we had lunch (hot dogs and salad) and came home where Benjy had a nap while Camden played in our dusting of snow. All was well. I created, working on my Christmas journal a bit. Camden played Star Wars, making cool light sabers with the Duplo Legos. Benjy woke up happy and ready to "talk" about Star Wars. Then, suddenly, after baths and before dinner, I lost it. I just flipped. I couldn't help it, but every little noise just set me off. Every little fuss from Benjamin. Every little silly sound from Camden. Every little thing I couldn't control just set me on the end of my nerves. I just lost it. I cried and cried. The heavy sobbing kind of cry. I lost it. Camden said he knew what would help, and he hugged me. He got up from his chair and said, "I know what would help you feel better." It was such a beautiful hug. Just the thing you would do to help someone in need. That really turned it around for me. Camden truly knows how to comfort people. He may act like an insane clown sometimes. But he knows. He knows how to love. I love my family, and I am so thankful for them. :) Thanks be to God.

Camden - "I love you way way way way way way way way way past all the moons, past past past past past past past past the suns, past the asteroid belts, past the planets. to infinity and beyond!

Mom - "I love you more than that!

Camden - "I love YOU more than that!

Mom - "ditto"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas cards

I made nearly 40 Christmas cards since last night. So exciting to get them started! I'm loving this paper from Basic Grey. I used all mine up, so I cannot wait till my Mosh Posh order comes and replenishes my stock!
I totally hate to admit this, but doing Christmas cards can be such a bother, it seems. I wish I didn't feel that way. I don't feel that way when I'm CREATING them. It's only when I have to sign them, address them, stamp them, and mail them. It feels like we're always so rushed. And I HATE to get cards with only a name and no personal note, so feel like I need to add a little note to each of mine. Last year we got our cards out on Christmas Eve. And even then we had no return addresses on them. Lazy, huh? The thing I am almost looking forward to this year, though, is getting a Christmas picture of the boys. I say ALMOST because they're just at that uncooperative age where expecting both of them to smile AND look at the camera at the EXACT SAME TIME is futile. I'm not even gonna bother with the mall people. I'll just do it myself. At least I'll be spared the humiliation, if not the frustration. Still, I love seeing how Benjy and Camden act together. Benjamin loves to laugh at Camden and copy everything his big brother does. He so cracks me up! And Camden will do anything to keep Benjy in stitches, to the point of annoying me to death. Still, I know he loves his baby brother. Perhaps tomorrow would be a good day for that picture....

Peace on Earth, goodwill to men.

It's Christmas time. That means many things for me. Not only is this a season full of Santa, Ho Ho Ho, sweets, and children buzzed with excitement, but it also is packed with stress, worries, cranky kids, and exhaustion. While I try to keep the spirit of Christmas alive in me and my family, I find myself challenged to find a balance at this time each year, to find peace. When at my wit's end, here's where I can find it.
* Church - The place itself with its beautiful and inspiring stained glass windows, the liturgy and everpresent reminder that Jesus loves each of us, the people who, like me, are looking for a sense of peace and hope.
* Blue Christmas tree lights. These will always remind me of the tree lights we had growing up. The big fat blue lights that grew hot to the touch. The ones that had a certain "hot" smell. These were the true color of Christmas for me.
* Christmas music - Favorites are the sountrack for CBS' Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas.
* Watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
* Snow - lots of it. The more the better. Just watching the snow is so darn relaxing.
* Creating - not necessarily scrapbooking, but just CREATING anything.
* Licking the bowl of Mom's chocolate poundcake mix. Yummmm!
* Sitting in my favorite rocker by the window in my bedroom reading. Just reading and watching the sun shine outside.
* Hot bubble baths
* Lots of candles
* Finally, but certainly not least important - prayer