in the dining room
which is my crafting room
with a couch
and a way cool lamp from the
salvation army
that came with a light bulb
that still worked,
i made this little collage
of birds.
That's the grand and
wonderful
thing about a
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Prompt # 6 ~ Lists Lists Lists
Latest purchase: thrift store lamp Originally uploaded by wendirichert
List No. 1: What I did today in chronological order5:30 - Rise and shine. Well, just rise.
6:00 - Make sure the boys are risen and shining.
6:30 - Drive to school.
7:10 - Morning devotions at school
7:30 - The first graders are coming!!!!!!
8:15 - Gym. Time to breathe.
8:55 - Library. More breathing time.
11:00 - Fantastic writing workshop minilesson on general vs. specific.
11:30 - Lunch ~ tomato soup and grilled cheese.
11:30 - Lunch ~ tomato soup and grilled cheese.
12:30 - Finish Horrible Harry and the Goob. Glad this is over. Not terribly interesting, although the kids love it. Tomorrow - Junie B. Jones!!!
2:00 - While the kids make their art project, I reorganized my Reading Workshop notebook.
2:20 - Dismissal
2:45 - Staff meeting
4:00 - Back in my room, gather up my stuff and the boys and come home.
5:30 - Cook supper.
6:30 - Talk to Mom
7:00 - Read Wind and the Willows with Camden
8:00 - Boys "should be" asleep.
8:51 - Now. I'm on the computer. Blogging. Making lists.
List No. 2 - My day in order of time spent on tasks
The school day - 10 hours
Staff meeting - 75 minutes
2:20 - Dismissal
2:45 - Staff meeting
4:00 - Back in my room, gather up my stuff and the boys and come home.
5:30 - Cook supper.
6:30 - Talk to Mom
7:00 - Read Wind and the Willows with Camden
8:00 - Boys "should be" asleep.
8:51 - Now. I'm on the computer. Blogging. Making lists.
List No. 2 - My day in order of time spent on tasks
The school day - 10 hours
Staff meeting - 75 minutes
Reading with Camden and Benjy - 45 minutes
CSI - 60 minutes
CSI - 60 minutes
Talking with Curt after school, between dinner and his karate class - 30 minutes.
The rest of the stuff I did today - tiny minutes squeezed in between everything else.
List No. 3 - My day in order of what was most important to me
1. Reading with Camden and Benjy. Camden and I are loving Wind and the Willows. We got through 3 chapters tonight. That crazy Toad!
2. Stolen hugs from Camden and Benjy during the day when they see me at at school. These happen in the hallways between lunch and recess, in the mornings before the opening, in the afternoons when on the way to after school care. Love these impromptu moments, these hugs and kisses.
3. Talking to Mom on the phone, catching up on her day out with Charlene and how Dad's doing. He has 9 more radiation treatments left.
The rest of the stuff I did today - tiny minutes squeezed in between everything else.
List No. 3 - My day in order of what was most important to me
1. Reading with Camden and Benjy. Camden and I are loving Wind and the Willows. We got through 3 chapters tonight. That crazy Toad!
2. Stolen hugs from Camden and Benjy during the day when they see me at at school. These happen in the hallways between lunch and recess, in the mornings before the opening, in the afternoons when on the way to after school care. Love these impromptu moments, these hugs and kisses.
3. Talking to Mom on the phone, catching up on her day out with Charlene and how Dad's doing. He has 9 more radiation treatments left.
4. Reading and Writing Workshops - I just feel so blessed that God has called me to teach children how to read and write and love doing both. This class absolutely begs to read and write. That love of literacy is just amazing. Who couldn't love that?!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Land of the Lost 1 and Prompt #5
Dear Blog,
Today's prompt is to write a letter. To anyone. So I'm writing to you. After all, I write to you more than anybody else. You're easy. And have you seen the cost of a postage stamp these days? You're easy and free.
I've spent a couple of odd minutes searching Youtube for ancient stuff. I've happened upon old movies of Puff the Magic Dragon, which my first graders LOVE. I've watched old School House Rock videos. Wow! Interjection! And I just found this gem.
This used to scare the pants off of me. Every Saturday morning found me and Shell in front of the TV. This was before remote control, so we were pretty close to the set. She loved this show. I was hesitant. I watched it because I am the older sister and I had to be brave. Yikes! Interjection! Do you remember those sleestacks? Jeepers, they were a fright!
Anyway, Blog, if you want me to look up something for you, like, say TaeKwondo forms or Scooby Doo episodes or video footage of Elvis, just lemme know. I'm your girl. Yeah!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Journal Prompt #4
The word is
maniacal.
It's a fun word to say.
It's not a fun thing to be.
Not that I would know.
It's just the way that it
slips off the tongue
sort of at the back of the mouth.
Maniacal.
Say it.
Maniacal.
That's my word for the day.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
the W project - Journal Prompt #3
Win the big blue van
at Suds carwash
on route 66
during Benjy's snooze
beside itself
at its first outing
in its lifetime
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Journal Prompt #2
Shimelle's journal prompt tonight was to take some words you hear often and interpret them. I've been hearing Emma's words since the spring of 1995, so I think I've got a bit of insight into what she's saying. Click on the image to read it.
Journal Prompt #1
This boy likes to wear suit jackets and ties, but he usually just wears his pjs.This boy is the loudest child on the planet, but he has the softest and sweetest singing voice I've ever heard.
This boy fusses when it's time to go to TaeKwondo, but he kicks and punches and yells with the best of them once he's there.
This boy reads everything, but he doesn't pick up his clothes in plain sight.
This boy wants to go to fancy restaurants, but he hasn't quite learned to chew with his mouth closed.
This boy runs and talks and GOES all day long, but after he says his prayers, he's still, quiet, and positively dreamy for 9 hours.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I'm so excited that Shimelle is starting a free journaling challenge tomorrow. I've missed the daily December prompts that I used to put together my Advent art journal. Most of the February prompts will make it to the blog, I'm sure. But I'm also hoping to do some more artsy pages for my scrapbook, too. Here's my response to today's pre-February prompt:
i love vanilla, vintage, and free.
i love yellow, itunes, and sleep.
i love Ws, daisies, and magazines.
but i can't stand a runny nose.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
I hope you enjoyed those videos. We have LOTS more. But I didn't think it right to hog the blog with video footage of every move Benjy made in his first Tae Kwondo class tonight. Cute as he is. :)
Tiny Tiger Benjy had his first TaeKwondo class today. So proud, we are, of him.
He was the shortest tiger there. We rolled his pant legs up and his sleeves up and he still looked positively swallowed in his uniform. All in all, he did a great job. He broke a board. Twice. He bowed and said "ATA" at the right times. He threw some great knife-hand strikes. Now, he also faced the wrong direction a few times, but really, what's so wrong about that anyway? And he punched his brother who was holding a punching bag about 14 times instead of two, but, hey, can you blame a bro?
As of now, the whole darn family does martial arts. Curt outranks all of us. Then there's Camden. Then Benjy and I are equals at white belt status. Even black belts used to be white belts, though. So we're not hurtin'.
Tiny Tiger Benjy had his first TaeKwondo class today. So proud, we are, of him.
He was the shortest tiger there. We rolled his pant legs up and his sleeves up and he still looked positively swallowed in his uniform. All in all, he did a great job. He broke a board. Twice. He bowed and said "ATA" at the right times. He threw some great knife-hand strikes. Now, he also faced the wrong direction a few times, but really, what's so wrong about that anyway? And he punched his brother who was holding a punching bag about 14 times instead of two, but, hey, can you blame a bro?
As of now, the whole darn family does martial arts. Curt outranks all of us. Then there's Camden. Then Benjy and I are equals at white belt status. Even black belts used to be white belts, though. So we're not hurtin'.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Have you seen this badge around?
Claudine Hellmuth posted it a few days ago for her friend who has a no-kill non-profit shelter in Tennessee. You can read all about it by checking out the badge posted here. I've sent my $10 donation over, and you can, too. It's as easy as pie. Just click on "donate" and you'll be walked SAFELY and SECURELY through Network for Good. And, the best part is, the top four charity badges with the most unique donations through America's Giving Challenge will get $50,000 for their cause. America's Giving Challenge runs until January 31st.
Here's what Claudine, my favorite artist in the whole entire world, had to say:
Let's help Bernie win this! She has saved 500 animals from death all by herself just last year alone, imagine what she can do with a grant!
About A Place to Bark:
"A Place to Bark" is a private no kill rescue run solely by Bernie Berlin. All animals come from high kill shelters in the south and are on death row. Combining health care, rehabilitation, and working with animal welfare organizations A Place to Bark provides a true no kill vision. Registered 501c3 non-profit. Visit A Place to Bark's web site.
It gets better!
All donations made to A Place to Bark's Six Degrees Badge, will be matched by the "Zoline Foundation" up to $25,000.00!!! All donations up to June 1st will be counted for the matching donation from the Zoline Foundation. It's a win-win!
About A Place to Bark:
"A Place to Bark" is a private no kill rescue run solely by Bernie Berlin. All animals come from high kill shelters in the south and are on death row. Combining health care, rehabilitation, and working with animal welfare organizations A Place to Bark provides a true no kill vision. Registered 501c3 non-profit. Visit A Place to Bark's web site.
It gets better!
All donations made to A Place to Bark's Six Degrees Badge, will be matched by the "Zoline Foundation" up to $25,000.00!!! All donations up to June 1st will be counted for the matching donation from the Zoline Foundation. It's a win-win!
OK, what are you waiting for? Go and save a dog!
Do it for Ellie. :)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
As of today, the whole family is enrolled in Tae Kwondo.
Wish I had a pic of all of us in our uniforms.
I don't even have a picture of ME in my new white beltness.
But we are all in as of today.
Benjy signed up for Tiny Tigers today.
Cute thing has a size triple-zero uniform.
I can't believe my once-timid non-talker who now will not shut up for one solitary minute will be screaming and kicking and punching and yelling his way into a future black belt.
Oh, he's into it. Even before he tried on the uniform, he was psyched. He stepped up and kicked at me. Oh, I say he's a natural.
Go Benjy, Go.
15 ~ January
Inspired by the need to use my monthly kits from Jenny Bowlin's Studio on a more consistent basis, I've come up with a little project to work on this year. Each month, on the 15th, I'll snap a few pictures of what's going on around me. These were the few I took last week. It was a stay-home sick day for the boys and me. We filled our day with Star Wars Episode II - twice, making new tie-up shades with my old tie-back curtains, building elaborate train tracks around the living room, taking a warm bubble bath for no other reason than to play Star Wars in the tub, and practicing our quick draws. Who said sick days are no fun?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
After reading Mom's blog, I'm finally ready to post this:
My dad has cancer. Yes, it sucks.
Throat cancer.
Right next to the vocal chords.
the big
C.
He started his chemo and radiation therapies about 3 weeks ago. The chemo wears him out, and he does have a couple of rough days afterward. But the radiation, so far, seems to be just a few minutes of his weekday afternoons. His energy is waning, but his spirits seem to be up.
Funny how God works.
I've always loved my mom and dad. Adored them. I often just praise God that he gave me THEM for parents. Especially when I think of the alternatives out there today.
But the big C has forced me to reconsider how I show them I love them. So I'm making it a new priority to call more, mail more, pray MORE.
Here's a picture of Dad taken the day after he learned of his cancer.
He loves his dog, Hokie.
And I think he does indeed find hope in the small treats of life. His puppy. His family who loves him more than ourselves. His garage. :) (You should see this place. A garage with central air, a few rugs, a couple of recliners, a TV/DVD/VCR set-up, the old kitchen fridge. And who knows what else.....)
I pray that Dad continues to relish the small treats he's dealt during his therapy time. He's about half-way through it, so he may indeed have a loooong way to go with more downsides than ups. But God will provide him the strength he needs to endure the recovery; the eyes to find the small treats and grasp them, hold onto them and relish them; and the faith to believe that he will get better. Yes, Dad, I do believe that with all my heart. You're gonna be just fine.
Friday, January 04, 2008
how cool is this???
how 'bout this one?
If you wanna make a name for yourself :)
then you should go here.
It's Friday. A short week at school. I pulled my back out at tae kwondo on Wednesday, so I'm especially glad for a few days of rest this weekend. However, I really MISS karate, so I may try to go in the morning, depending on my back. If I can't bow, I won't go. That's my litmus test. You have to bow in and out at karate, so if I can't do that much, then I have no business doing the in between stuff.
I leave you with this:
This is the absolute best reason for snow. Dad's snow cream.
I made this in photoshop elements for my Christmas art journal. Man, I'm gonna miss this journal once it ends on Jan. 6, Epiphany. Guess I'll have to get back into my regular scrapbooking in a big way. :)
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy New Year!
Here's #1 in what I hope will be 366 days of photos for this year. (Hey, it's a leap year, ya know?) I love this pic because my favorite candle in the entire world is here - a Candleberry Candle Co. candle bought in Virginia during the Thanksgiving holiday. This scent is praline dreams. And it's really dreamy. Plus, the shot of my Mary Engelbreit Home Companion magazine really energizes me. I want this year to be about creating. Creating art. Creating inspiration for my family and my students. Creating spiritual connectedness for me with God. Creating. Creativity. For ME. For my family.
This brings me to my word for the year.
Energy.
That's it.
Energy.
Spiritual.
Physical.
Mental.
Energy.
I'll need plenty of it to keep up the artiness I've had going on for the past week or so. I have risen each morning completely energized with a sense or art. Art with a lower-case a, mind you. I just can't wait to sit down and create. I visit Claudine's blog every single day for inspiration. And then I do my art journal entry from Shimelle's Journal Your Christmas class. Then I just surf for inspiration. And I create. That energy is just amazing. I pray that I can sustain it during the school year when I have to rise before the sun and begin a day with first graders and papers and books and noise.
Energy.
Yes.
I think it's a fine word for 2008.
We actually went out for New Year's Eve last night. Yes, really.
We went to the Kuhns where we met up with the Pouliches and the Urams. What fun. We mostly hung around Staci's kitchen where the food was, eating her chicken salad and countless other dishes. We tried dancing with the dancing machine thing that hooks up to the TV, but apparently we're too old to figure that out. And we watched the kids - 7 of them - run around the house with empty water guns and Star Wars light sabers and Barbie dolls and happy screams. It was a good ending to 2007.
We went to the Kuhns where we met up with the Pouliches and the Urams. What fun. We mostly hung around Staci's kitchen where the food was, eating her chicken salad and countless other dishes. We tried dancing with the dancing machine thing that hooks up to the TV, but apparently we're too old to figure that out. And we watched the kids - 7 of them - run around the house with empty water guns and Star Wars light sabers and Barbie dolls and happy screams. It was a good ending to 2007.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Oh my goodness, I'm in love!
I just made this
on this site. Wowie wow wow.
I can't wait to make more of these next year. :)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
My boys are nuts for Star Wars.
They will play with their trunk full of Star Wars guys for hours at a time.
They fly the Millenium Falcon and Imperial Shuttle and the Y Wing Fighter all over the house.
They grab their light sabers in an assortment of colors and do battle in the basement. Benjy always asks Camden who the bad guy is. It's usually Benjy.
Most recently, the dynamic duo decided to put on a show for Curt and me. We sat in the living room for more than an hour watching them reenact all six Star Wars movies. Here's the intro they gave us. Curt has the rest on his computer. He's doctoring it up and making it fancy and fun so we can burn it to a DVD for the boys. They'll get a big hoot out of their Star Wars show. I know we sure did. :)
Oh, since it's nearly the end of the year, I've been thinking about 2008:
As much as I HATE new year's resolutions, here's what I'm hoping to accomplish in the coming year:
* Start Tae Kwondo and don't quit. (I could be either a green belt or a camo belt by year's end, depending on how many testings the studio has.)* Learn to cook a few good-for-you meals that my kids will actually eat. Our new cookbook by Jerry Seinfeld's wife, Jessica Seinfeld, will definitely help here.
* Simplify! So many areas here: our family spending, our home, the TOYS, our schedules, our wants. Cindy's Porch will be my inspiration here. Check it out if you have similar goals.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Not quite the new year.....
But I'm trying to start early on a resolution to keep up the old blog at least with a note or two throughout each week.
This is the piece
Claudine Helmuth made for me for my Christmas present from Curt. I am totally in awe of her work. Absolutely completely head-over-heels in love with her talent. She took emailed pix of my family and some generic ideas of the beach, Hatteras Island and Star Wars and turned them into this. Isn't this the most awesome piece of art you've ever seen? I've hung it over my desk in the office so I can admire it each day as I do emails and surfing and dreaming and my scrapping. What inspiration and a constant reminder of my happy little family and a wonderful trip we had at the beach one summer.
Another fave this Christmas......
Mom got me this fabulous purse from her pastor's wife who makes these awesome things! She's amazing. She's more amazing than Vera!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to her studio and picked out every last piece of fabric for this bag. And even the elephant zipper pull! Then I got to tell her what pockets I wanted, how big, how tall, how many. So many details that go into a handbag that I have never even thought of before. Wow, this woman rocks. And she's just the sweetest person to top it all off. If you need a purse, let me know. I can hook you up!
And to end this post, I leave you with this: my favorite Christmas decoration of all. The vintage tinsel tree. Truly old. Truly silver. Truly sharp if you're not careful when putting it away. And that's exactly what I did today. I put away all the Christmas decorations. Truly, I hate doing that. I spend so much time looking forward to decorating and enjoying the twinkle and sparkle of the tree lights and all the other lights I manage to plug in during December. And then when Christmas Day has ended, I'm over it. Ready for it to go back into the 6 giant green Rubbermaid containers that hold them all. I do miss the sparkle of Christmas.
This is the piece
Claudine Helmuth made for me for my Christmas present from Curt. I am totally in awe of her work. Absolutely completely head-over-heels in love with her talent. She took emailed pix of my family and some generic ideas of the beach, Hatteras Island and Star Wars and turned them into this. Isn't this the most awesome piece of art you've ever seen? I've hung it over my desk in the office so I can admire it each day as I do emails and surfing and dreaming and my scrapping. What inspiration and a constant reminder of my happy little family and a wonderful trip we had at the beach one summer.
Another fave this Christmas......
Mom got me this fabulous purse from her pastor's wife who makes these awesome things! She's amazing. She's more amazing than Vera!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to her studio and picked out every last piece of fabric for this bag. And even the elephant zipper pull! Then I got to tell her what pockets I wanted, how big, how tall, how many. So many details that go into a handbag that I have never even thought of before. Wow, this woman rocks. And she's just the sweetest person to top it all off. If you need a purse, let me know. I can hook you up!
And to end this post, I leave you with this: my favorite Christmas decoration of all. The vintage tinsel tree. Truly old. Truly silver. Truly sharp if you're not careful when putting it away. And that's exactly what I did today. I put away all the Christmas decorations. Truly, I hate doing that. I spend so much time looking forward to decorating and enjoying the twinkle and sparkle of the tree lights and all the other lights I manage to plug in during December. And then when Christmas Day has ended, I'm over it. Ready for it to go back into the 6 giant green Rubbermaid containers that hold them all. I do miss the sparkle of Christmas.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Day 2
Day 2's prompt in Shimelle's Journal Your Christmas is all about the weather: what kind of weather do I have in December? My journaling is all about my annual wish for snow. I start wishing in early December and carry on till, oh, around April. I wish for blizzards, feet of snow, snow days home from school. I get really angry when the weather forecast calls for a nice total of wintry precip and nothing falls from the sky. I spend so much time wishing for snow that I rarely notice what's happening outside when it's NOT snowing. On the other hand, I do pay attention to nearly everything else. So I'm not that hopeless. :) hohoho
As promised, the ornaments we made yesterday. All were a large glass ball that we filled with whatever caught our fancy. Benjy put about 10 tiny candy canes in his. The mostly empty one is him. :) Camden put some cute tiny foil-wrapped "packages" and a few buttons in his. Curt packed his full of curling ribbon. And I put a handful of Christmas-colored buttons in mine. Nothing anybody else would buy, but definitely keepers for us.
And, here's day 2 in my Advent calendar. I just love this thing. Wish I could make more for my friends, but I have no idea where to get the goods anymore.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Dec. 1
It's official:
25
days
till
Christmas.
That means it's time for me to start Shimelle's online class to Journal Your Christmas - my 2nd year doing it. The coolest thing: Because I took Shimelle's online class last year, the rest of her JYC classes are FREE for me!!! How cool is that?
Day 1's prompt was to write a manifesto of my intentions with this project. Here's mine.
Dec. 1 also begins our annual countdown to Christmas. I'm so excited to use the advent calendar we bought last year. (I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.) I've stuffed activities behind the doors so that this year we can DO stuff together instead of BUY stuff. :) Cheap, huh?! And probably more memorable for all of us, too.
So, on Day 1, we made ornaments for the Christmas tree. All four of us. And we had fun. :) Pictures to come; I promise.
This Advent Calendar telling the Christmas story from the book of Luke is my favorite homemade decoration. I made it when we lived in Ohio after spying some ladies making it in my favorite scrapbook store. They were booked full, so I couldn't stay, but the instructor was so kind to direct me to the supplies needed to put this together. I think I probably had more fun making it at home anyway, where I could be in my pjs, surrounded by my Christmas lights and tunes, and near the chatter of the boys. I just love to hold this, feel the Modge-Podged pages, and turn the days over to read the next little bit of the miracle of Christmas.
Day 1's prompt was to write a manifesto of my intentions with this project. Here's mine.
Dec. 1 also begins our annual countdown to Christmas. I'm so excited to use the advent calendar we bought last year. (I'll post a picture of it tomorrow.) I've stuffed activities behind the doors so that this year we can DO stuff together instead of BUY stuff. :) Cheap, huh?! And probably more memorable for all of us, too.
So, on Day 1, we made ornaments for the Christmas tree. All four of us. And we had fun. :) Pictures to come; I promise.
This Advent Calendar telling the Christmas story from the book of Luke is my favorite homemade decoration. I made it when we lived in Ohio after spying some ladies making it in my favorite scrapbook store. They were booked full, so I couldn't stay, but the instructor was so kind to direct me to the supplies needed to put this together. I think I probably had more fun making it at home anyway, where I could be in my pjs, surrounded by my Christmas lights and tunes, and near the chatter of the boys. I just love to hold this, feel the Modge-Podged pages, and turn the days over to read the next little bit of the miracle of Christmas.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
I got this from my friend Kristen today, a forward in an email. It's hysterical, especially if you need to brush up on your Bible history. Enjoy!
Subject: The Bible, in a nutshell
Kids are the most honest.
In case you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our junior
church students help you with this complete overview of the Bible, compiled
from their essays.
This is one clever rendition of the "Bible in a Nutshell"!
Enjoy!.....laughter is a gift from God!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I
think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a
light!" and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed
God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of
his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and
some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some
pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh
after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included
frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every
day with manicotti.
Then He gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of
one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the
town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to
me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New
Testament. He was born in Be t hlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in
a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were
you born in a barn" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees
and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on
trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just
washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is
foretold in the book of Revolution.
Subject: The Bible, in a nutshell
Kids are the most honest.
In case you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our junior
church students help you with this complete overview of the Bible, compiled
from their essays.
This is one clever rendition of the "Bible in a Nutshell"!
Enjoy!.....laughter is a gift from God!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I
think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a
light!" and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed
God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of
his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and
some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said
they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some
pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh
after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included
frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every
day with manicotti.
Then He gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of
one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the
town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to
me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New
Testament. He was born in Be t hlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in
a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were
you born in a barn" It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact, I was.")
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees
and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on
trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just
washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is
foretold in the book of Revolution.
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